Sample Reflection Hack

The Details:
Speaking of mistakes, I have made dozens of foolish errors, many of which were described in Chapter One. It is often challenging to decipher which blunder had the greatest consequences, but the typical reaction to our mistakes and especially to the errors we observe in others, is to quickly ascribe blame to a person. When I literally got caught with my pants down, none of the camp counselors considered their own contributory negligence as responsible for the incident. Perhaps if the boys were not provided free-range chicken access to the girl’s dormitory, the episode could have been prevented. Instead, the counselors used poor judgment and swiftly concluded that the alleged carnal urges of me and my accomplice deserved immediate punishment. It appeared that no thought was invested toward how the error could have been avoided or what preventive measures could be employed to avoid a repeat incident. If you examine historical or current events, we often see the same spontaneous finger-pointing response. Google “who is to blame” and you will see over 70 million topics listed, ranging from determining who was responsible for the “election of Donald Trump,” to calculating reasons for “the soaring cost of cauliflower!”

The common denominator of NOT fixating on blame and instead focusing on improving performance is one of the most frequently implemented strategies of successful people. When I wrote the textbook “Motivation for Learning & Performance,” I was fortunate to interview many celebrities who were used as examples of motivated behavior in the book. One of the frequent approaches used by people like financier Bernard Madoff, Emmy-winning actress Cheryl Hines, Kansas City Chiefs Hall of Fame kicker Nick Lowery, and Congressman Darren Soto was a diligent focus on prospering from mistakes. Each one of them expected to fail at times, and instead of feeling inadequate or defensive, they chose to leverage their errors and make changes to how they approached their profession and personal challenges. The Coach Hack suggests not castigating others, but also highlights the futility of self-deprecation and being a harsh self-critic. Instead, the Coach Hack advocates meta-management of how we view learning opportunities and shifts focus to motivational and strategy revisions as instrumental for future success.

Why it Works:
Not surprisingly, a thinking bias is responsible for the proclivity of casting blame and a diminished focused on post-error improvement. Myth 6 explained that humans continually pursue an understanding of why things happen. In prehistoric times, causal knowledge gaps were essential for survival. Knowing why your female offspring were kidnapped, or what caused your crops to sprout was evolutionarily essential for longevity and procreation. Millions of years later we seek to justify causality, but more to condone our actions and create inner psychological harmony than to support positive self-views. The bias works in two ways. First, we like to take credit and be held responsible when outcomes are positively evaluated by the self and others. Second, when others falter we often conclude the individual is remiss while discounting defensible explanations as responsible for behavior. If you observe a speeding driver, do you think “Oh that poor woman, she must be rushing home to care for her sick child” or do you instead default to thinking “What’s wrong with that damn nincompoop?” Because it is our nature to justify the legitimacy of our own behavior, we criticize others…and the attribution bias perpetuates.

Another reason why the Coach Hack boosts performance is due to our fundamental need for objective feedback. Sometimes we lack understanding of why things go wrong, so instead of making corrections, we default to examining who was responsible for the mess. The celebrities I mentioned earlier exemplified another unified behavior that bonded them all. Each person relied on feedback from a respected and valued source to keep them focused, provide improvement suggestions, and guide them through motivational lapses. If it weren’t for Cheryl Hine’s sister Rebecca, Cheryl may have quit show business after getting rejected three times for the same part. Activist Amanda Boxtel may have never walked unassisted after 22 years in a wheelchair without the support and guidance from friends and family who helped her grasp the finality of her disability. These examples show that motivational progress is enhanced by others who offer social support to promote change, but who also provide guiding task-based suggestions, in the same way a map helps us efficiently reach a destination without haphazardly driving in circles.

Application:
In many ways embracing the Coach Hack means a mental shift away from defensive reactions that often occur after feedback. Implementing the Hack means a readjustment of self-interpretations that are often perceived as personal knowledge or ability gaps. Instead when using the Hack the individual ignores self-blame and transforms feedback into a developmental opportunity that promotes changes to sustain growth. A relevant example is the difference between how two different students respond to instructor feedback. One student when receiving project feedback suggesting greater clarity or detail in submitted work may respond defensively with comments such as “I found your evaluation of my work to be unjustified, highly critical, and hurtful.” Another student may perceive the exact same feedback as instrumental in the enhancement of learning and take decisive steps to make revisions. Clearly, the latter response shows application of the Coach Hack, while the disgruntled learner takes no action and instead externalizes blame to the instructor who is merely the carrier of the message and motivated to help the student improve the work product.

Opportunities to apply the Coach Hack abound in any situation where performance improvement results in accelerating desire toward achieving goals. We often get discouraged when things do not work out as planned. Breakdowns occur on projects when we believe we lack sufficient knowledge and skill, or when assessing the psychological and materialistic costs of investing additional motivational effort. An optimal method to reverse feelings of inadequacy from sub-par results or guilt from lack of effort is by honing focus and making post-evaluation progress. Until something positive happens, we often get stuck, resulting in apathy or task abandonment. Prime opportunities for the Coaching Hack include anything that has frustrated you. Targets are lingering relationship issues, highly competitive work situations, or projects that seem overwhelming based on complexity or lengthy timeframes. In these situations, the perceived costs of progression often outweigh the benefits because the consequences of failure are significant. However, when failure is viewed as a learning opportunity and not a personal left jab, you will much more likely to step into the ring and overcome the developmental blow.